Ugly Green Jacket
by ladyhawk89
Summary: Usagi can't take it anymore! Something must be done! The time has finally come for the end of the hideous green monster.


Usagi glare at it maliciously. She hated it, despised it with every fiber of her being. It sat across from her, mocking here with its mere existence, but it had to accept its presence because, for some reason, _he_ loved it. Only for him would she tolerate it…but only just barely. Sneering at it, she asked,

"Mamo-chan, _why_ do you even have that ugly thing?" Mamoru looked up in surprise from his homework. He was on the couch next to a sleeping Chibi-Usa working on physics or nuclear science or whatever it was that people at his smart school did.

"_Nani_, Usako?" His girlfriend leaned against the kitchen door, sipping a glass of cranberry juice and glaring at one of his dining room chairs. "What's wrong with the chair?"

"Nothing's wrong with the _chair_," she said, rolling her eyes. "I'm talking about the jacket. It's hideous. _Why _ do you have it?"

"I like that jacket," Mamoru said indignantly.

"_Why?_" Usagi insisted. "What, does it have sentimental value or something?"

"No, not really. It's the first thing I ever bought for myself that cost more than ten thousand yen." Usagi looked at him in surprise.

"Seriously? You spent over ten thousand yen for that?" She looked at the jacket in disgust. "It looks like a reject from the 80s."

"It was in style when I bought it!" Mamoru defended. He was a little affronted that the love of his life was judging his fashion choices so harshly. "It'll be in style again soon."

"No, baby, that thing was a mistake the first time it came out. It's time to let it go."

"Usagi, Mamoru?" Chibi-usa said sleepily. "What are you two fighting about." Mamoru looked at his future daughter in relief. Finally someone who would be on his side. Grinning he explained what was going on.

"Usagi thinks my favorite green jacket is ugly and needs to go. _I_ think it's a great jacket and I don't wanna! What do you think?" He looked at Usagi smugly and waited for Chibi-usa's answer.

"She's right. It's a horrible jacket. You should get rid of it," she answered him. Mamoru nodded haughtily before her answer actually registered, then he did a double take and his jaw went slack.

"Wh-what? Hey, you're supposed to be on _my_ side!"

"I love you, Mamo-chan, but I'm on the side of whoever is right. That happens to be Usa-chan." Then Mamoru did something completely uncharacteristic. He flopped back on the couch, folded his arms, and pouted. Usagi and Chibi-usa had to choke back giggles.

"What's wrong with my jacket?" Mamoru asked sukily. Usagi and Chibi-usa exchanged an 'is he serious?' look.

"Where to begin?" Usagi said, tapping her chin with one finger. "Where to begin? First of all, the cut looks like some third-world factory workers got tired of being jipped and decided to take it out by wrecking the pattern. Second, shoulder pads, Mamo-chan? Really? Thirdly, that vomit green color is so loud you can hear it from down the street and around the corner."

"She's right," Chibi-usa said. "When I first saw you in that jacket, I thought that maybe you were trying to be seen from space or something. The girls call it 'the swamp thing'."

"I like my jacket! It's unique. I've never seen it on anyone else."

"There's a reason for that, baby," Usagi laughed. She set her cup down on the kitchen table and went to slip her arms around Mamoru's shoulders. He stiffened sullenly, but relaxed after a moment. "No one else would be caught dead in it."

"You really feel that strongly?"

"_Everybody_ does. You know Motoki calls it 'The Swamp Thing' behind your back?"

"What?" Mamoru's face darkened with the news of his supposed best friend's secretly clowning his fashion sense behind his back.

"The girls hate it, too. Even Haruka thinks it needs to die." Mamoru went silent for a moment then stood up and went over to his jacket and slipped it on. Usagi and her daughter rolled their eyes and groaned.

"Come on, Mamoru-chan!" Chibi-usa pleaded. "Just let the thing go!"

"No!" came Mamoru's petulant reply. He didn't care what anyone thought, he would keep his jacket as long as he wanted to. Which was starting to look like for the rest of eternity. Usagi and Chibi-usa rolled their eyes again. Then Usagi looked at the clock.

"Look, we don't have time to argue about this right now. Just please consider a new jacket?" she pleaded with her boyfriend. She gave him a quick peck on the lips as Chibi-usa squeezed his midsection, then the two most important girls in Mamoru's life left.

"Good riddance," he muttered. "Coming into _my_ house, picking on _my_ jacket! I swear I get _no_ respect. Like she doesn't have things in her closet that I'd want her to get rid of. Like that twirly pink mini-skirt that makes everyone stare at her legs…" Mamoru paused in the middle of his tirade to reconsider. "No, never mind, she can wear that, but only when _I'm_ with her…or that ugly green and white sweater her grandmother knitted for her. Who cares if she only wears it when the old bat is in town, _I_ still hate it, but it's no like _I_ ever made fun of it….oh wait, yes I did." Mamoru continued his soliloquy as he fixed his dinner, and persisted in his irate mutterings as he finished his homework. When he went to his room to prepare to shower, he paused before he took of his jacket.

"It doesn't look _that_ bad," he said uncertainly. "Does it?" His mirror offered no answer, only the same uncertain look he gave it. After a few minutes he decided. "Nah. It's fine, Usagi and the others are 

just picking on me. As usual." With his trademark smirk, he hung his jacket up in his closet and prepared for bed.

-:- -:- -:- -:- -:-

"Unbelievable," Usagi complained to her friends. "Chibi-usa and I told him point blank the truth about that hideous jacket and he was _still_ wearing it this morning!"  
"Really?" Minako asked incredulously. She and the rest of the Senshi thought the drama with the infamous green jacket was hilarious. They knew it irritated and embarrassed their friend, but since he wasn't _their_ boyfriend…aw, well!

"Yeah," Chibi-usa added. "And he was kind of smiling to. Usagi's face was hilarious. It looked kind of like this…" Chibi-usa scrunched up her nose in disgust, dropped her jaw and furrowed her brows. The girls giggled a little, but stopped when they saw the serious look on Usagi's face.

"Ladies, this is serious!" she said gravely. "Something must be done. This thing has got to be killed!"

"What are you talking about, Kitten? There's not a new enemy that we need to dispatch, is there?" The Inner Senshi jumped when Haruka and Michiru slid into the seat on either side of Usagi. The girls shifted to make room for the other two Outer Senshi before Usagi launched into her explaination. Haruka's eyebrows steadily inched up towards her hairline until she was staring at her young charge incredulously. "You mean all of this for a stupid jacket?"

"No, she's right," Michiru said solemnly. Setsuna and Hotaru nodded their agreement as Haruka shook her head slowly.

"I don't believe this!" she said. "It's a _jacket_ , for crying out loud!"

"Yes, but it's revolting," Setsuna explained. "I can't believe he actually thinks it's alright to wear it in public."

"Oh, Usagi-chan, you must feel so embarrassed when you two go out," Michiru tsked, holding the blonde's hand comfortingly.

"What about poor Chibi-usa?" Hotaru asked. "She has to deal with the fact that her father can't dress himself."

"Yeah, thank goodness I get my fashion sense from my mother," Chibi-usa said. Usagi's face softened and she smiled at her future daughter, but then quickly went back to the crisis at hand.

"We need to do something," she told the scouts.

"We?" Haruka asked. "What we? He's _your_ boyfriend. Why do _we_ have to get involved at all?"

"Because you're my friends and you love me?" Usagi answered, giving her surrogate older sister a heart melting puppy pout. The other Outers 'aww-ed' sympathetically, but Haruka just snorted.

"Sorry, Kitten, I'm sympathizing with Mamoru on this one," she told them. "If he likes the jacket, let him wear it. Why does it bother you so much?"

"Because it's an eyesore!" Usagi exclaimed.

"What's the paint?" Motoki asked. He came over to take care of his new customers. "I told my father we need to change it, but he won't listen."

"No, Usagi was talking about Mamoru's jacket," Rei explained. Motoki cringed understandingly.

"It's horrible," he agreed. "I've been trying to get him to get rid of it forever. You got a plan?" Haruka shook her head in disbelief.

"You, too, Motoki?" she asked. "I thought this was a girl thing." Motoki looked at Haruka in confusion.

"A-aren't you a…girl…?" he stopped when he saw the icy stare Haruka was giving him. The other girls looked away and pretended to look at something else. Motoki blushed a little and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, ah, oh look, customers. Gotta go, ladies!" The girls laughed at his fleeing form before Usagi brought their attention back to the problem at hand.

"I actually _do_ have a plan," Usagi told her friends. They all leaned in in anticipation, even Haruka. "Ok so here's what I'm thinking." She leaned over the table and started whispering to her friends. She sat back with a smug smile on her face.

"That's actually not a bad idea," Minako said. She smiled and nodded her head. "I could be a part of that."

"Why can't you put your brain to use like that when it comes to Senshi business?" Rei shook her head and sighed.

"I don't think we should use Senshi powers for something like this," Haruka said. She rolled her eyes and folded her arms.

"I think I might have to agree with her," Michiru told the girls.

"Oh, Haruka-nee-chan, don't be such a spoil sport," Makoto admonished.

"Yeah, and Michiru, you're supposed to be the cool one!" Minako complained. Haruka blinked her eyes.

"What?" she asked incredulously. She pointed at Michiru. "_She's_ the cool one? Miss Classical Violin is the cool one?"

"And what, my dear, is wrong with Classical Violin?" Michiru asked tersely.

"Uh-oh, I think Haruka-papa's in trouble," Hotaru whispered to Setsuna. Setsuna stifled giggles and took a sip of Ami's water.

"Well what's wrong with Mamoru's jacket?" Haruka retorted.

"The same thing that was wrong with those horrible orange pants you insisted on wearing," Michiru quipped.

"So you _did_ take my favorite pants! And they weren't orange, they were gold-brown."

"They were relics from the seventies. If you're going to go retro at least do it right!"

"It was none of your business!"

"It is _always_ my business as long as you're dating me. I cannot be seen in public with you in those pants!"

"Where are my pants, _Michiru_?"

"Where they belong, _Haruka?"_

"You know, I'm getting tired of you always going through my stuff like you own it. Woman, you're gonna tell me where my pants are!"

"I tell you what I will do. I _will_ smack your teeth out of your mouth if you speak to me like that again! Don't think just because you're cute I'll take that from you!" Setsuna could sense this becoming dangerous, so she and Hotaru gathered their things and lead the arguing couple towards the door.

"Sorry, girls, we have to get these two home before it gets ugly," Setsuna bade them farewell.

"Let us know how the plan goes," Hotaru said. She waved cheerfully and the four of them disappeared out of the door. The younger the Senshi waved good-bye to their friends and faced each other.

"Ok, so are we all in?" Usagi asked them. Five heads bobbed up and down in agreement.

"Although I would like to go on record as saying that this is a gross misuse of our powers and we should all be ashamed of ourselves," Ami said. "But that jacket has _got_ to go."

"Look at Ami letting out her rebellious fashionista," Minako said proudly. Ami smiled shyly and blushed.

"Ok, is everyone clear on their jobs?" Usagi asked. Again her friends nodded and they put their hands in. "Fashionistas on three. One. Two. Three!"

All heads in Crown Diner as a loud cry of 'Fashionistas!' rang out and six girls strode out purposefully.

-:- -:- -:- -:- -:-

"Usagi please tell why you're the only one who doesn't have to transform for this," Mars whispered into her communicator. She and Mercury watched Mamoru's building from their hiding place on the other roof.

"Don't be silly, Mars," Usagi said as she entered the elevator. "Mamo-chan can feel when I transform. He'd know something was up." Mars rolled her eyes and shifted in her seat. Somewhere down below, Minako and Makoto were hiding in the bushes near Mamoru's house waiting for their cue. Chibi-usa had been assigned to distraction detail while the other Senshi were on a search and destroy mission. Mars and Mercury sat and waited for their parts.

-:- -:- -:- -:- -:-

"Mamo-chan!" Usagi threw her arms around her boyfriend's neck when he opened the door to let her in.

"Usako, not that I'm upset to see you, but what are you doing here?" he asked. Usagi held up the bag she had brought with her.

"I got you something." She handed him the bag. "I hope you like it." Mamoru opened the bag and pulled out a brown leather jacket.

"Wow, Usako, it's great." Mamoru ran his hands over the smooth leather. "Thank you, baby."

"Well, it's from me and Chibi-usa. We pooled our allowances and borrowed some from Mom…for the next nine months. You really like it?" Mamoru smiled and kissed her chastely on the lips.

"I love it." Usagi smiled.

"Good, because I want to make a deal with you." Mamoru looked at her suspiciously and held her at arms length.

"What kind of deal?'"

"Well you know how I feel about your green jacket, and I thought that you might be willing to give it up if I gave you something that looks better." Mamoru sighed and walked to the other side of the room.

"I knew it! I knew it! What have you got against my jacket? It's a perfectly good jacket! It goes with most of my clothes!" Mamoru flopped down on his easy chair and pouted at Usagi.

"Well a brown leather jacket will go with _all _of your clothes! Baby please?" Usagi followed Mamoru and walked around to the back of his chair. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "How about I get rid of something in my closet that you don't like? That pink mini-skirt, maybe? I see how you're face looks when I wear it, I know you hate it." Mamoru's eyes shot open and he spun around, almost knocking Usagi with his head.

"No!" he almost shouted. "I-I mean, you don't have to get rid of anything, because I'm not getting rid of my jacket."

"Mamo-chan! Would you please…" Usagi was cut off when the phone rang. She had the phone off the cradle before Mamoru could move. "Chibia residence…Oh, Chibi-usa! I gave Mamoru the jacket, he loves it…No, no he won't even consider it…I know! He can be so stubborn… Where?...I'll ask him but I'm sure it'll be fine….Alright, I'll see you in a while." She hung up the phone and turned to her boyfriend. "Chibi-usa needs a ride from Chihiro's house. Can you do it?"

"Alright," Mamoru said suspiciously. "But you're coming with me, I don't trust you alone with my jacket." Usagi rolled her eyes and grabbed her sweater.

"Fine, you big baby. But wear your new jacket. I just told Chibi-usa how much you loved it, so act like you do." Mamoru threw the leather jacket on with a scowl, but he secretly reveled in the feeling of the smooth fabric. He left the apartment without a word and Usagi trailed after him with a small smirk on her face.

-:- -:- -:- -:- -:-

"Ok, the coast is clear," Jupiter said. She and Venus moved to the bushes directly underneath Mamoru's balcony while the other two leapt across to his apartment. His balcony doors were kept unlocked since he felt safe enough on the tenth floor. Oh how wrong he was. Mercury and Mars searched his coat closet for the offending article of clothing and, failing to find it, went to check his bedroom closet.

"Oh my gosh!" Mars exclaimed. Mercury looked over her shoulder and gasped.

"Oh my gosh!"

"What?" Venus and Jupiter demanded from Mars' communicator.

"We just found a box of pictures in Mamoru's closet," Mercury told them.

"So?"

"Pictures of Usagi," Mars said.

"Again, so?"

"From before they got together. Like waaay before."

"…Oh…." Venus said.

"Ha! I _knew_ he had a thing for her!" Jupiter exclaimed quietly. "…But still, that's a little creepy."

"And also not why we're here," Venus said, taking the lead. "Hurry up and get that jacket before they come back." Mars and Mercury nodded affirmative and put the pictures back where they found 

them. They found the jacket and threw it down to the girls waiting in the bushes, then exited the apartment quickly and silently and met up with their friends. They went to Rei's shrine, detransforming on the way. Once they reached the safety of her bedroom, they burst out in giggles.

"I can't believe we did it!" Ami laughed.

"This calls for a celebration," Rei said. "I'll go get some soda."

"That was so much fun!" Minako giggled. "What else do you think we could get rid of from Mamoru's closet?"

"How about those sunglasses he always wears?" Makoto suggested.

"Already got those!" Ami held up the glasses and twirled them triumphantly. The girls burst out laughing all over. When Rei got back with the snacks they showed her the sunglasses and she almost dropped her tray for laughing.

"Oh my gosh! Ami, you are horrible!" she said. "I love it!"

"I proposed a toast!" Makoto raised her can of soda. "To getting rid of ugly jackets!" The girls clinked cans and sat down.

"Now what do we do with the jacket?" Minako asked. The girls looked at the jacket and glasses and grinned evilly. If anyone had been home, they would have seen bright lights flashing from Rei's room as a very ugly jacket died a horrible and violent death at the hands of four over eager teen girls.

-:- -:- -:- -:- -:-

"Usako! Where is my jacket?" Mamoru asked, throwing clothes out of his closet.

"I don't know baby," she answered. "Why don't you check the coat closet?"

"Nu-uh! You did something with it, you and that daughter of ours!" Usagi and Chibi-usa exchanged wide-eyed looks then turned back to Mamoru.

"What are you talking about? I went with you to pick up Chibi-usa! I didn't touch your hideous…gha…_thing_."

"And I was at Chihiro's house," Chibi-usa piped.

"How do you know I lost it today?" Mamoru asked, raising an eyebrow. Usagi and Chibi-usa fumbled a little, but Usagi came through with a save.

"I saw you earlier today," Usagi told him. "You had it on this morning." Mamoru narrowed his eyes suspiciously, not completely buying her story, but knowing it's true.

"You two did something with it," he fumed. "I don't know how. I don't know when. But I_ know_ you two did something with it. You two have been getting along _entirely_ too well. You are up to 

something." Usagi, no certain if she could keep a straight face much longer, got up and gathered her stuff. Chibi-usa did the same.

"Sweetie, I can see you're having a moment, so we're just going to leave now. I love you!" Usagi and Chibi-usa dove into the elevator and held their laughter in until they were a few floors down from Mamoru.

"They did it!" Chibi-usa shouted. "They pulled it off!"

"We don't ever have to see that stupid jacket again!" Usagi slid to the floor of the elevator, tears streaming down her cheeks. They fought giggles all the way home.

-:- -:- -:- -:- -:-

A few days later, Mamoru took Usagi and Chibi-usa to lunch at Crown Diner. He was getting over the loss of his precious green jacket and beginning to love his new brown leather jacket just as much, maybe more, since it was a gift from the two most important girls in his life… who seemed to think the amount of compliments he was getting was hilarious. They were currently laughing about Motoki's congratulating him on getting a jacket that wouldn't get him arrested for public indecency.

"Admit it," Usagi said. "You're glad you have that jacket."

"Yeah," Mamoru agreed reluctantly. "I have to admit, you girls have superior fashion sense. I bow to your excellent taste."

'Thank you." Usagi smiled smugly.

"See, it's a good thing we got rid of your ugly green jacket," Chibi-usa said cheerfully. Usagi gasped and threw her hand over the little girl's mouth and pulled Chibi-usa's head to her chest.  
"Yeah," Mamoru chuckled. "It's a good thing you…hey wait a minuet!" He shouted. But he was too late. Mamoru watched as the two most important girls in his life bolted for the door.

_I've always wanted to kill that ugly thing. What do you think? Tell me who you love! Leave a review!_


End file.
